Wednesday, September 16, 2009

When you lose yourself in relationship

How do you lose yourself in relationship?

Watching Oprah's interview with Whitney Houston part 1, it's clear that Whitney diminished herself in order to feel loved by her husband, Bobby Brown. By her own admission, Bobby's jealousy of her success and icon status caused discomfort for both of them. Whitney's solution was to hid herself - caught between being the singer/performer she was and being a wife. Could she have it both? Whitney couldn't see how that could happen for her.

Where are you losing yourself in relationship? What are you giving up and do you know how to stand for yourself? Do you avoid being in relationship because you are afraid you won't be able to stay in your own power? I've had those experiences in my life - losing myself, giving up my power in order to be loved.

It doesn't work. Ever. Not being you never works and the more you diminish yourself the more the other person wants you to diminish yourself. The first time when you are dating you 'are nice' and let another dominate a conversation, making it all about him or her, you are in danger of setting a precedent of what gives your power away.

Being aware of how you want to be loved, what you will sacrifice 'in order to be loved' is something that can change your life in a good way. If you look at some of the previous posts on the heart line types, you'll see some tangible examples of how you might, on the student path, give up yourself and what it looks like when you are being true to yourself.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Control issues from the heart lines perspective

How each of the heart line types is motivated to maintain control

Yesterday in a class I was teaching, I shared how each of the four heart line types is motivated to be in control. And they are all different. As a reminder, heart lines are the ones closest to your fingers that start under the pinkie (Mercury) finger. You can see hand print examples of the heart line types in the June-July 2008 archives on this blog.

Everybody likes to control their environment in some way but are motivated differently. From the heart line perspective (remembering this is only one line in the hand) here is what's important.

The Big Heart (long and curves up to and touches the index -Jupiter - finger) finds it important to have control over his or her giving territory. What this means is that a Big Heart has a 'giving territory', a person or group of people to whom the Big Heart gives. And the Big Heart doesn't want other people giving to those same people in the same way the Big Heart does - so will protect the giving territory. For example, a mother with a Big Heart provides nutritious meals to her children and doesn't like it when other family members or friends give sugar to her children which she has kept out of their diet. Her 'giving territory' of her children is now violated and she wants to control how her chilren are fed.

The Hermit (short and straight and ends under the middle - Saturn - finger) wants to control his or her environment. This could look like having an office and nobody gets to touch any papers or move anything, including the stapler, without permission from the Hermit. The Hermit seeks security and anything moved without consent feels unsecure. So the Hermit will do whatever he or she can to maintain control of their physical environment.

The Romantic Idealist (long and straight ending under the index - Jupiter- finger) wants control by thinking things through before deciding or taking action. This is motivated by wanting to know the outcome and then to be prepared for possible potential outcomes. So they may delay a decision until they feel clear about potential outcomes and this feels controlling, not only to the Romantic Idealist, but to others in their life. For example, a Romantic Idealist may want to go to the movies but wants to make sure that there will be ample parking, a seat that is an appropriate distance from the screen and that it works with the rest of their planned out day. The logsitics (thought through pieces of the plan) need to be in place and under the Romantic Idealist's control as much as possible.

The Passionate (curves up to and touches the middle - Saturn - finger) on the master path maintains control by asking directly for what he or she wants and allows others to give it to him or her. On the student path, control is maintained by manipulating. A possibility would be when a Passionate wants to eat out, on the master path control would look like saying, "I want to eat this type of food at this specific restaurant." On the student path, it could be, "I want to go out and eat," creating space for the other person involved to have input about what type of food or what restaurant. But the Passionate actually knows that ahead of time but just hasn't stated it so a manipulative process ensues until the CORRECT restaurant has been agreed upon.

Each heart line type is motivated differently and that's important to understand. Others aren't trying to be difficult with you, they just have different motivations for staying in control and where control matters to them.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Relationship Issues

Relationship Issues in the Hands

One of the areas of hand analysis that is fascinating is how many factors influence one's relationships. For example, the heart line which is covered on many of the blog postings here, determine how a person expresses feelings and how a person wants to be loved - with affection, with words, with space, with passion, through deep conversations, through short conversations, etc. So many choices depending on which heart line type(s) you have.

Fascinatingly, there are many other hand markings that also influence how one approaches relationships. The types of fingerprints can be influential, as well as how long the head line is, what the hand shape is, how many lines you have.

People with very few lines (like between 3 and 9) tend to be 'bottom line get to the point' type of people who prefer to be communicated with in bullet points (this is a bit of simplification!) However, a person with many lines in the hands (15 or more) tends to want to share way more information that somebody with very few lines wants to hear. Just knowing that, already you can see that different approaches to comunication could result in one feeling loved or not. "You don't listen to me" a person with many lines may feel. And that could translate to feeling 'unloved' or that there is a 'relationship issue.'

A person with very few lines may feel the person with many lines is 'overcommunicating." TMI (too much information - I think that phrase was made up by somebody with very few lines!) So the person with very few lines may feel unloved because they feel the person with many lines doesn't understand what 'effective communication' looks like to a person with few lines.

And this is only one aspect of what is in the hands. This is by way of saying that patience, understanding and compassion are so helpful when somebody communicates in a way that doesn't match your style. And maybe if the issue is few lines vs many lines, this little bit of info can help you be more understanding in your relationships. If you have very few lines, maybe you could tell others you want to be communicated with in bullet points.

If you have many lines, maybe you can share how much you appreciate somebody hanging in there with you while you "get to the point more slowly with more information."

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bending Over Backwards Line

Bending Over Backwards Line

In the hand print posted here, see the line that curves down off the heart line? The heart line is the one closest to the fingers.

It's not a usual pattern to see an extra line bending away from the heart line so this is a special marking. When that happens, the owner of this line 'bends over backwards' to meet the needs

of other people at their own expense. Another way to phrase this is that the owner of this line might 'rearrange' his or her emotional state to take care of another's emotional state.

For example, if Joan owns this bending over backwards line, she may choose not speak her feelings to her husband when he says something hurtful. Instead, internally she 'rearranges' her own feelings to take care of his by telling herself, "He's tired. He didn't really mean to hurt my feelings."

Or Bill may own this line and feels uncomfortable saying out loud that he's tolerating his son's ranting when what Bill wants really is to tell his son to quiet down, that the ranting isn't going to get him what he wants. Bill rearranges his own emotional states, bends over backwards to not hurt his son's feelings or risk more anger. But the cost to Bill is stuffing his feelings.

On the master path, recognizing you are not speaking up, not speaking from your heart, rearranging your emotional state is a benefit. Then you can choose: do you take the risk to speak your heart or let somebody else's emotional needs take precedence over yours?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Fingerprints - some medical information

Fingerprints - some medical information
Based on medical research fingerprints are fully formed somewhere between 16-20 weeks after conception, before some other organs in the body. And they never change, which we all know.

The volar pads that form the fingerprints are raised at different levels on the fingers, meaning that whorls are raised on the finger the highest amount where arches are flat and don't raise up on the volar pads. Peacocks and composites follow closely behind whorls, then loops, tented arches and arches. So the ranking system used to identify Life Purpose (highest ranked) and Life Lesson (lowest ranked) is based on the formation of the fingerprints on the volar pads.

But fingerprints are different from any other part of the hands because they don't change. So I understand fingerprints to be much more of an identification of a person's soul agreement. I don't lump them in with other hand markings because they stand on their own. That doesn't mean I don't include other hand markings in a session with clients. What it means is that from birth to death, regardless of any other hand markings, there is a reason for this person to be here and it's tangible.

There are other parts of the body that are just as significant for identification and don't change the same as fingerprints: voice, retina, walk, eye color, 8 basal cells at the base of the spine - just for what I arleady know about. And I'm sure there are other things I don't know.
All fingers matter because each of the 10 has a very specific purpose - including master and student path. And if a finger is the 'life lesson' finger, it creates valuable insights for a person to know obstacles that can be faced, understood, consciously chosen to make changes one step at a time. The combination of life purpose fingers and life lesson fingers creates an even more sophisticated understanding of what truly creates the highest possibility of satisfaction, joy and soul fulfillment. I'm grateful to Richard Unger for this addition to Hand Analysis in his way. It's helped me know myself more and many, many clients.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Your Hands, Your Relationships

What does the hand say about relationships?

All over your hands are markings that provide information about what you want in relationships: how you communicate, how long you spend solving problems, ho wmuch you want to talk about feelings or don't, what being loved looks like to you, and especially your Life Purpose and how that affects your joy and happiness. Your fingerprints identify your Life Purpose and Life Lesson.

The head line: this is the horizontal line that begins on the thumb side of the hand and goes across toward the outer edge.
For example, let's say you have a long head line and your partner has a short one. Long head lined people like more information before making a decision. Short head line people tend to make decisions with 2 or 3 pieces of data vs the 10-12 a long head line person may want. Can you imagine this could cause frustration in relationship? Making a decision about a vacation is up for you. The long head lined person wants to investigate options, such as which island in Hawaii or even considering Fiji. The short head line person only wants to choose between two hotels on one island. Good news here is the long head lined person can research and present choices. But if there are too many choices, the short head lined person may just blow it off, pick one whether or not that is what he or she really wanted because too much data doesn't interest them.
This is just a small example and there are other variables, of course, because only one marking in the hands isn't enough to really establish the similarities and differences between people.
No two hands are the same, not even yours left and right hands. So each person approaches everything from their own perspective. Each person's viewpoint is theirs and it's not really appropriate to try to insist or encourage or manipulate them into trying to take on your viewpoint. Compormises yes, but giving up one's needs based on their hand markings can cause resentment in relationships.

Friday, January 9, 2009

The right to have Desires

The right to have desires

One of the heart lines, the Passionate, has the easiest time identifying how he or she feels. The other heart line types are more challenged in this particular skill. The Passionate Heart Line is the line closest to the fingers, begins under the pinkie and ends under the middle finger. It actually curves up and touches the middle finger.

The Passionate can become very frustrated when the other heart line types don't know what they want or don't ask for it. It makes no sense to a Passionate that anybody would believe they didn't have 'the right to desires.' But the Romantic Idealist, the most common partner for the Passionate, is THE most challenged heart line to identify and ask for what he or she wants. The Romantic Idealist is a long heart line and straight one that ends under the inex finger.

When people have one hand with a Passionate and one hand with a Romantic Idealist, there could be confusion about identifying desires and expressing them out loud. Maybe on some topics the Passionate hand takes charge and is able to say, "i know I want to go to the beach" with fervor and energy. And at other times, the Romantic Idealist is in charge and analyzes a situation, challenged to make a decision. It may sound like, "I'd like to go to the beach but it's cloudy today and I'm not sure what time the sun is going to come out so that means I need layers of clothes. Maybe we shouldn't go until after 11:30."

When these two heart line types are in relationship, learning how to listen to each one, honoring it and yet allowing both heart line types to have a voice is important for relationship success.

You can learn more about your heart line types through a variety of products at my web site found at Scroll down to the section on heart lines ad see the books, audios and songs that represents the heart line types.